I'm sitting in a portuguese inspired restaurant in Game City next to a flowing fountain listening to the sounds of heckling taxi-drivers yelling "Taxi! Taxi!" to passerbyers. I'm at a mall in Gaborone. Day 1 after Training. I'm supposed to be happily on my way home now, asleep or dozing on a crowded slow-ass bus making its way across the God-forsaken dessert to my black hole in the middle of nowhere, where nothing seems to grow and cell phone service comes to die-- but apparently something in my psyche is keeping me from leaving this place.
As much as I sometimes complain about my village-- I can say beyond a shred of a doubt that I like New Xade, its people, its culture, its landscape, its lifestyle-- yet still at the end of the day, I can't help but wonder if God has forgotten these people. Their completely alien way of life which is just now being touched my development in the form of westernization-- wear our clothing, eat our foods, work our jobs, pose for our photos-- is fascinating yet exhausting at the same time. So like I said, something in me is tired, crazy, exhausted... 3 words have come to mind this week-- complete nervous breakdown.
I had some good friends call last week and ask, "so is there anything you like about botswana?" and then I had another friend say in a moment of crisis, "you sound so unhappy here" and then I got a bunch of, "I'll support you no matter what you decide to do..." and I realized that I may or may not sound absolutely depressed and miserable.
So yeah, it's tough here. and yeah.... i'm a bit broken right now... but I'm going to make a public resolution here and now to stick through this. There is potential here, there are good people here, and even if I do absolutely nothing but make friends and start planting ideas for alcohol awareness projects out there in the next 2 years, I'm going to resolve to be satisfied with it. I'm also going to spend more money on things like travel and fun and souvenirs and not worry about things like budgets, the stench of my unclean clothes, and how on earth I'm going to carry all the shit I acquire home. I'm also going to start telling people to go home and stop visiting me at night. And I'm going to go out and visit people on my own time. And I hope that that particular resolution doesn't backfire and wind up with me hiding in my house every day all day...I'm going to force you all to call me more often, though just how I'm going to do that I don't know. I'm going to try desperately to get better and more accessible internet access--- god damn that stuff is out of my control...
Ok temporary solution? Whisky, sleep, funny movies, and bad jokes.
Dear all, please send me the worst jokes you can possibly think of.